Mood Swings

Gosh how tired I am. I'm trying and trying to keep that smile up and think positively, that everything is going to be okay. But for how long can I do that? How much can a person take before giving up? (Waaaa!! Emosi nih!) I know that I never should give up, but still I feel like it starts with a total disaster. It's like scheduled for me. As I'm just so tired of the mess around me all the time. (Everything is just one after another, teramat lah back to back, midterm BDS, 2 MICPA classes, test MICPA, assignment MICPA, assignment Strategy.... ) Need peace and nothing else. Just peace. How to get it? Nobody knows I guess...

Have been sitting and listening to the song and trying to find good sides of the situation I'm in right now. That's tough one. But it sure is another lesson in life. That's the price for making the same mistake continuosly, not being able to say no to parents, to care only about rest and trust your future in their hands and my love one. (But somehow the berkat is there...) That is something life has been trying to teach me for years and years. And me, I seem to be unable to earn that one, as always I make the same mistake... (No! It shouldn't be that...To be at my current state of life is not a mistake....Huhuhuhu~~)

I used to keep things to myself (ala2 reserve). I did share my stories & my days but to the extent of happiness sahaje, when it comes to the bitter stuff, I rather keep it deep inside my heart...Mainly because of that, I don't really like to fight with him as well, because then he shuts down and I shut down and we are both in uncertain what the other side is doing, how they're feeling. (I admit that I did it most..huhuhu...Another possible reason that drove us to total disaster!) Sure, I need my time to be in peace but I'm glad when he calls me... even when I didn't allow that. It's funny how you like things you didn't allow to be done... Maybe there is some truth in saying that "when a woman says no, she means yes" - but only to a certain point I'd say. There are a lot of fields in this life where this doesn't count. He knows at least, what I mean and how I act. How I need my peace... even when I'm sad...even when it makes him uncertain. Now, he just SMS and wished me good night, how sweet from him, made me feel a little less worried and still and calm...He has the power to do that as well sometimes. I'm smiling, I'm calm and peaceful... (Gonna put my self to bed...mau mimpi2 indah saja...)