Mayday!! Mayday!!

Warning: You are free to read this entry but I don't expect any nasty comments saying, "Bodo punya mak. Selfish. and whatsoever". All I need is help. A sincere one. So please don't stress me more and I appreciate that so much. Thank you.

My milk production is deteriorating to its maximum danger level now~! Ok wait, my milk production is already low since day one but I always keep in mind that "just sumbat your boobies Shila, after all Adam is a monster and he definitely gonna take it; full or empty". So, no problem on that. He can do both way: direct and bottle fed. No nipple confusion and I safe on this.

My bm is there but not to the extent that I can stock up like a person doing ebm business. Production is just sufficient for his immediate consumption. Hence, I gave him FM. I have no EBM stock at all, I need to go back to work, I am no full time housewife. Okeh, I'm a bad mother. But please, I've done everything to increase my milk supply but heck, none of those helps to really boost the production. I even let my baby to latch on me eventho I know that my b is empty that time. Kadang2 dia geram, lalu digeget-geget sampai luka. Still I don't mind because I want him to continue suckle and stimulate my milk production.

I never experienced engorgement and never felt my b as heavy as a bowling ball. Sumpah tak tipu. Eventho I wallop everything from milo, horlicks, fenugreek, longan, sawi, lobak putih, soya, EnfaMama, milkmaid tea and so on but still, the level is just so-so. Harapan kata tilam nak banjir dan susu memancut macam waterfall tidak langsung berlaku. I met my lactation counselor (LC)in Pantai and she taught me the correct ways of latching. We did one-to-one session together with baby and she observed my baby and me for half a day. I practiced that, still nothing happened. I went for berurut in Alor Setar, for three days straight, also nothing wonderful happened.

I remember when I first fed my baby with FM, I cried like a mad woman. I can't describe the feeling of having to do so and I feel so bad even until now. I can't help myself and I failed to maintain the title exclusive.

I know, if you are really pro-bf, you might be saying, "Mana ada susu tak ada. No such thing of susu tak ada." Seriously I don't care what you are going to say but seriously susu tak ada. I know it because its my boobies, not yours. I hand pressed my milk just like the sister thought me, but it only came out like few drops before it stops at all. I pumped (manual & electric) but only able to get 4oz after an hour~! I never had bengkak like I said before, so what's more with basah and banjir okels. And I will just do fine without breastpads!

But I am not that selfish because I still bf my baby and I can't stop himself from not being a monster. He still needs his milkbar but it seems more like a desert now. Amount is no longer sufficient for his main course.

I need help like seriously NEED HELP.

I've increased my pumping session to every two hours now and hopefully it helps. I directly bf Adam during nightime and yet to try pumping and feeding him in the same time. But this is a bit difficult as I only know how to bf in cradle position and I don't know how to do it footy hold or lying down. Huhuhuhu.

Anyways, I've set an appoinment to see my LC again and I planned to ask her for pills. Is that ok? because I seriously need more than petua-petua now. Actually I've got one from my panel clinic, pills named Metoclopramide. But I'm a bit skeptical to consume one because according to my readings, the drug will make me drowsy and has a depression effect. Maybe I need to consult my LC more on this.

Ah, you know what? I just pumped an hour ago and only get LESS THAN 1oz in that session. Sudah rasa mahu menanges sekarang.


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