I failed to breastfeed my first son...

...but I hope that I can make it with my second son....

I'm in a mission! But I know, that thing isn't any easy even with my first time experience in hand and in fact, I still struggle a lot with it. -_-" The only thing that makes a difference from my first time is determination, especially during the first two weeks when things went rough. I thought that it was going to be an easy start for me but I was so wrong as things were a lot more tougher than before *jaundice, hospitalization & etc* and my milk didn't came in until the fourth day.

Alhamdulillah that to date, I managed to breastfeed Aiman exclusively and few times of bottle feeding Adam with my EBM despite of my slow flow breastmilk and flat nipples *tunggu jugak bila nak banjir besar, tapi idok ler berlaku nyer*. Engorged once and that's it. Breast fullness? Not so often or maybe that nurse my baby on every 2 hour now, cik puan B tak sempat nak full to blast. Kot? But working on demand vs supply, that's all that I need to remember for now and not anything else.

Frankly speaking, breastfeeding is like an obstacle course for me. When few things like latching, milk flow, that were initially harder but later got smoother, then new challenges came in (growth spurts, fussy baby and pacifying-mommy-all-night). So yeah, determination is the key to success (tak lah berjaya sangat pun) but at least I managed to be at where I am now because it didn't progress this far when I was with Adam. Plus, determination helps to fight the all time killer question; "susu cukup ke nih??". Otherwise, I would have surrender to formula especially when I see the saggy empty breasts or when the postpartum depression kicked in. Depress lah kan bila tersadai je dekat rumah. Huhuhu...

Anyways, I'm still demanding for helps and I'm forever indebted to Lyn for being there to help me with latching and answering my questions 24/7. Thanks Lyn :) Besides, I keep on reading on few breastfeeding blogs in order to gain more info on BFing and to boost up my spirit to success (but not the forum, hardcore sangat, nanti I rasa macam jadi semut di lautan gajah) kuikuikuikui.... Kurus is no longer an issue tho I'm just as fat as before and not even a kg being shed off, but I know eventually I will. Harap ia bukan fakta dusta. =P

For now, I need to work hard to build my milk stash so that I will have enough supply for Aiman when I get back to work. Work??? Owh no!! +P Anyways, I'm glad for being able to overcome failure factor no.1 during my first time; building up EBM stocks. Because this time, I can see my hard earned EBM is filling up our freezer (the lower level) and highly likely will conquer the upper part very soon. =P

85 oz in a month. Jangan gelak hokey. This is considered a lot to me. A LOT! I know some of you sekali pam dah dapat 8 oz, seploh kali pam can easily hit 80 oz. Mak ni nokss, berpuluh kali pam sampai sebulan, baru lah cecah 85 oz tuh. Of course it is something kan? Hihihihi... At the moment, I can only get around 1.5 to 2.0 oz per pumping session and I really hope that it will increase gradually once I get back to work.


Disclaimer: I am not a total pro breastfeeding person and whatever written here and images shared is for my personal record only. Yes, I am determined for breastfeeding but to me, breastmilk is not just everything. Adam is my formula fed baby but he's doing just as fine as others did. In fact, he can say dozens of words clearly now including his own name, ADAM. :)



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